What does Networking relationships with outsiders look like?

Networking relationships and an ancient “World War”. 
Think about Abraham, sitting in his customary spot, in the shade of his favorite tree, on a hill overlooking his flock. Sounds peaceful, right? 

But like anyone else in the region he would have been well aware of tensions brewing down in the Dead Sea valley around Sodom, …where his nephew Lot had been living. About 14 years earlier, an alliance of four kings had come from the east and conquered the Dead Sea alliance of 5 kings, which included Sodom. After 12 long years the alliance of 5 kings stopped paying tribute to the eastern alliance of 4. Now, after another year had gone by, the eastern alliance came and attacked and took everything, along with some hostages. 

Someone escapes and comes to tell Abraham what happened. The exhausted refugee announces, “The Eastern Alliance reconquered the Dead Sea Alliance and took all their stuff.” Two big alliances, one against the other. What does this have to do with Abraham? “They also took Lot, your nephew.” 

Suddenly Abraham rounds up his own troops, 318 Able bodied fighting men, members of his own household! These are his insiders and we’ll talk about that next week. He also has his own alliance with three outsider tribal leaders, who were probably also nomadic, Mamre, Eshcol, and Aner. 

This is NOT a story about how things used to work in ancient times. Nomads and other collectivist societies still naturally network relationships with those outside their own group for the protection or benefit of their group. Survival isn’t just about internal bonds; it’s about a web of relationships with others, developed over generations. These relationships take a long time to forge and they don’t do it unless it is worth taking a long time to do. In our own case, with nobody around to coach us in these things, we did not understand. We can see now how many mistakes we had made along the way. It was nearly two decades before we really felt invited by the community to live among them. But we still seemed like “short-termers” to them. Our children wouldn’t be staying on as our 2nd generation.

This mindset shapes every interaction.
It dictates how you treat outsiders. The Karamojong of Uganda have a saying “an outsider is either a cow to be milked or an enemy to be killed.” Even in our part of Asia, I would catch the gossip about being “milked” by some and threatened by others. In a sense, it wasn’t really about us. It was about the provision or protection of their group. 

This is complex.  Inter-tribal warfare may have been going on for so long that the original cause may be lost in the vagueness of legend. Someone may reply, “We steal their cows because someone from their tribe stole our cows before.” Or, “Even our mothers put a huge guilt trip on us if we don’t go and avenge the death of an uncle or a cousin, so we have to go and kill someone, anyone, on their side.” But nobody remembers when or how it all started. 
To foster these networks of relationships it is common for nomads to learn the languages and dialects of others they meet during their cycles of migration. Wherever I have traveled across Asia, Africa and the Americas, nomads know their own language, a national language, and the languages of others on their route. They do this so well that several from one dominant national language have told me, “Oh, those people don’t have a separate language, they just speak this national language.” But I have been in a cafe where two or more from that nomadic group are speaking to one another in their own language. When a person from the dominant language enters, the nomads automatically switch to that language!  They will often avoid speaking their insider language when outsiders are present. Even this is part of their natural networking of relationships with outsiders.  

They don’t just survive within their group; they flourish by connecting with others, especially in times of need or opportunity. But again, that does not mean that they are friendly with everyone. Sometimes that networking of relationships means they are constantly at enmity or even war with certain other tribes. You may recall the “shibboleth” episode in Judges 12, where different tribes and clans within what was originally one big “insider” group dissolved into treating certain groups as “outsiders”. Still today, one clan or tribe might notice slight differences in dialect, or the shape of someone’s face, to determine whether they should treat the other person as a friend or foe. 

Typically nomads do get along better with other nomads than they do with settled people living close by. Their common heritage of mobility gives them a common understanding that doesn’t exist between them and their settled neighbors. The service & trade Nomad “Travelers” in northern Europe are native speakers of each country’s language with an ancient shared heritage, in some cases, a nomadic heritage. Yet, most Irish, Scottish, and Scandinavians are settled and look down on these Travelers. So the Travelers in different countries, with different languages tend to get along better with each other or even with the Roma “Gypsies”, than with their own countrymen. This is despite the fact that the Roma are originally from much farther away. Distrust between settled and nomads seems built into everyone’s DNA.

Back to the Abraham example, he had no alliance or sense of duty to the kings of the valley of Sodom and Gomorrah who were geographically close. But when his nephew’s clan and neighbors got in trouble with the Kings of the East, (the direction Abraham had originally come from!) Abraham quickly mobilized the local tribal leaders with whom he did have an alliance. Most likely they were also nomadic, but not in any way related. Still, they immediately joined forces to rescue their friend Abraham’s relative, along with all those aligned with Lot. 

After the battle, Melchizedek, king of Salem, and priest of God Most High comes on the scene. He and his city provide a victory banquet for Abraham and his allies and for all those rescued. Then he blessed Abraham, the leader of the coalition. I have actually attended similar festival dinners where a prominent religious leader provides a blessing. So again, these are not things that used to happen in ancient times.

But when the kings who were aligned with Sodom offered gifts to Abraham he only took what would be regarded as bare necessities, not the surplus of the plunder which would normally go to the victor. What was going on? The kings of Sodom wanted to be seen as having made Abraham rich. This would obligate Abraham to them in the future. But Abraham had just received the blessing of God, which is in effect a promise of benefit and protection. In giving a tenth of everything to Melchizedek, Abraham was establishing an alliance with Melchizedek and God. He had no intention of setting up such an alliance with those of Sodom and Gomorrah. 

These relationships function as a safety net of mutuality.
​They involve exchanging resources, sharing information about terrain or safe routes, and providing mutual support in times of crisis.

Often these relationships go back many generations. Nomads often know the lineage, strengths, and past interactions of neighboring groups or tribes. When two people meet for the first time they will want to spend the first 15-30 minutes exploring who they are related to. This will tell them whether the other person is someone to trust or someone to avoid. 

So how should we be changed by nomads?
So for us as outsiders coming in we need to look for gatekeepers in the community. Who are those respected elders through whom we build a relationship with the whole community for such mutual protection and provision, rather than one-sided, individualistic relationships where we are just getting milked or blocked? For that we need time and authenticity. They will be able to tell if you have ulterior motives or whether you genuinely care for the community. 

Final Reflections: For nomads, networking isn’t just practical—it’s the foundation of a connected life. The nature of these external relationships reveals the deeply interwoven, communal values that sustain nomadic life and community.

Invitation to Action: Spend some time imagining what it would mean to enter and respect such a network genuinely. Start by examining your own networking style and practicing relational humility and presence.
My prayer is that these insights will help you understand not only the importance of external relationships for NOMADs but also how to approach these networks with the respect and patience that these complex, interwoven systems demand.